For a long time I resisted God’s call on my life because I was scared. I was scared because when you start preaching truth, you gotta live it. And that’s a scary thing to someone as flawed as me. I had been a believer in Christ for a long time, but I lived my life the way I wanted to live it with a little bit of God on the side. But there came a time a few years ago that God was ready for me to move into the ministry He had created me to fulfill. That doesn’t make me special or exceptional, because the truth is, everyone who is saved in Christ is created to fulfill a particular ministry within the Body of Christ. And that’s all fine and good if God has called you into a ministry that you are already fully prepared to walk in. But I wasn’t ready and my particular preparation would be painful because there was a lot of death that needed to take place. I wasn’t ready, but God was.
I was an alcoholic. I was prideful, obnoxious and crude. I was always ready to have a good time and fulfill everyone’s expectations to be the life of the party. I sought fun more than I sought God. And when I did seek God, I looked everywhere but the Bible. I thought I was smart and I prided myself on my education, cleverness and quick wit. I always had an answer because the thought of saying, “I don’t know”, and taking the chance that people might think I was stupid, horrified me. I exuded security and confidence on the outside, but I was insecure and wounded deep within. And because of my secretly wounded inside, I incorrectly saw my value as being my self-perceived intelligence, abilities and personality, rather than seeing my value as who I was in Christ.
One thing I quickly learned, is that God cannot use someone in a mighty way until they are broken and empty. I was full of myself, full of the things of this world and full of old wounds and it all had to go, because God will only fill an empty cup. It is a scary thing to let go of who you think you are so God can show you who He wants you to be. It is a scary thing to set your hand to the plow, knowing you can never look back, because if you’re anything like me, your fear of failure will stand between you and that plow as long as you let it.
“But Jesus said to him, ‘No one, after putting his hand to the plow and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.'” (Luke 9:62)
“For it is written: ‘I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.'” (1 Cor 1:19)
“For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” (Matt 23:12)
“Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.” (Col 3:2)