Just Be Held

My oldest daughter was still in her bed when I went in my girls’ bedroom this morning to rummage through their closet to get their church clothes. As I was walking out of the room, she sat up on her elbow and sleepily said, “You’re gorgeous, Mom.” I have to admit, it surprised me because number one, my hair looked like I had stuck my finger in a light socket; number two, I had on no make-up; and number three, I simply wasn’t expecting it. And seriously, my hair was really, really crazy bad.

I think reason number three, “I simply wasn’t expecting it” was the most surprising of all. I simply wasn’t expecting it because most of the time I am too focused on my flaws. Most of the time, my mind rehearses all the things I need to improve about myself. Most of the time I am thinking about how badly I need to color my hair, how badly I need to lose some weight, how bad my complexion is getting, how desperately I need to slap a coat of toenail polish on my pitiful toes. And that’s just my physical flaws, because I am also thinking about my inner flaws: praying that God would help me to not be so critical, so self-focused, so impatient, so easily flustered, so resentful of feeling perpetually overwhelmed, so ashamed of looking forward to bedtime on the days in which my children have hijacked all my peace.

I simply wasn’t expecting it because “gorgeous” is not a word I would use to describe myself. But that is how my daughter sees me because when she looks at me she doesn’t see “me”, she sees her mother’s soul.   My daughter sees me similar to the way God sees me. God sees me as something valuable, something that is worth cherishing. Most of the time I’m so focused on how tightly I’m trying to hang on to God, that I forget it’s okay for me sometimes to just be held by Him. I’m more focused on bearing Him fruit rather than just sitting still in His presence. But what I fail to remember is that to bear Him fruit, I MUST spend time just sitting still in His presence. To bear Him fruit, I must do it as He holds me in His hands.

“I am the vine and you are the branches. The one who remains in Me, and I in him, will bear much fruit. For apart from Me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5)

“My Father who has given them to Me is greater than all. No one can snatch them out of My Father’s hand.” (John 10:29)

“But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD’s love is with those who fear Him, and His righteousness with their children’s children..” (Psalm 103:17)