The Hem Of His Garment

I pray and I sin.
I seek God and then I fail.
I try so hard, my heart wants to stay determined, but my mind says, “You might as well give up because you know you will fail.”
I struggle.
I struggle against my flesh, I war within my mind.
I am a sinner that longs for holiness. A holiness that seems to always be just out of reach.
I cry out for God, I call out to Him, “Make me holy! I want more of You in my life! Fill me with your Spirit until it overflows into the lives of others.”
And yet, the battle rages on.
Who will deliver me from this?
How can I possibly endure when it seems like I’m fighting a war that will never end?
Day after day, failure after failure, weakness after weakness.
God help me!
God do You hear me?
Show me the way, Lord. Free me from this madness. Work in me, God. Save me from myself.
I can’t live without Your guidance. My life means nothing if it does not bear You fruit.
A life about myself is vanity.
A life consumed with this world is futility.
Why can’t I hear You?
Why do You draw away?
Is it my sin? Is it my failures?
It is because the only way I can follow You is for You to keep moving.
The only way I can climb the heights to Your holy mountain is for You to keep moving forward and for me to keep moving my feet.
Today, I sit on this rock and complain about how bad my feet hurt.
Today, I rise up from this rock and continue walking anyway.
I come before You, dressed in the filthy rags of my own effort, but I reach out for You with both hands, convinced that if I can just touch the hem of Your garment, I will be clean.

“For she said to herself, ‘If I only touch His garment, I will be made well.’ But Jesus turning and seeing her said, ‘Daughter, take courage; your faith has made you well.’ At once the woman was made well.” (Matt 9:21,22)

People brought all their sick to Him, and besought Him that they might only touch the hem of His garment: and as many as touched were made perfectly whole.” (Matt 14:35,36)

“Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God, Who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Romans 7:24,25)

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the former things have passed away.” (Rev 21:4)

“Send forth Your truth and Your light, let them lead me; let them bring me to Your holy mountain, to the place where You dwell.” (Psalm 43:3)